Sui Caedere
by AquilaTempestas
Summary: A beloved character contemplates the unthinkable.


**Disclaimer**

The rights to Beyblade belong to Takao Aoki.

Lyrics used in order of appearance:

Simple Plan's "Untitled (How Could This Happen to Me?)", Linkin Park's "Given Up", Suicidal Tendencies's "Institutionalized", Papa Roach's "Last Resort" and Pantera's "Suicide Note pt 2"

**Title**

Sui Caedere

**Summary**

A beloved character contemplates the unthinkable.

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_I don't believe that people should take their own lives without deep and thoughtful reflection over a considerable period of time.__  
_Wendy O. Williams, punk rock performer, d. April 6, 1998

Have you ever just had one of those days where you just feel like utter shit? Those days you wish the floor would just swallow you up and never spit you back out? I want peace. Eternal peace. To rid myself of all feeling and remove the burden away from the ones I care for. I've been a piece of shit my entire life anyway, why does it matter if I suddenly died? I haven't done anything for anyone, but be a burden!

Someone... tell me. What's the point in living in a world of fear? In a world of hate and corruption? In world of hypocrisy and lies? Everyone tells me to stay strong and to have faith, but how can I when this feeling of hatred and worthlessness consumes me from the inside? Every day I feel a little bit of me fade away. How much more can I take? How much can someone take before they snap?

Tell me, is it worth it?

_How could this happen to me__  
__I've made my mistakes__  
__got nowhere to run__  
__The night goes on as I'm fading away__  
__I'm sick of this life__  
__I just wanna scream__  
__How could this happen to me_

Is it worth waking up everyday only to feel sad? Alone? Hated? Wouldn't it just be better to sleep and never wake up again? All I've ever done was try to be a friend to everyone... and that just happened to be the biggest mistake of my life. I've been ridiculed, made to feel minuscule and worthless. People tell me I should just 'toughen up' but they can't feel what I feel because they're not me. Everyone handles things differently and this is my way of coping. I'm giving up; I don't see the point in sticking around any longer.

_I've given up__  
__I'm sick of failing__  
__Is there nothing you can say?__  
__Take this all away__  
__I'm suffocating__  
__Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!_

This pain. This anger. It will never ease. It's within me, it's a part of me and without it I am incomplete. I'm angry; I'm sad, but I know I can think rationally. This is my choice. This is my decision. This is the path I wish to take. Don't mourn for me, shed not one tear. All I want is for this neverending pain to end. How can I continue living life? I'm not happy. No form of counselling will help. No. Death is my only option.

_Sometimes I try to do things and it just doesn't work out the way I wanted to.__  
__I get real frustrated and I try hard to do it and I take my time and it doesn't work out the way I wanted to.__  
__It's like I concentrate real hard and it doesn't work out.__  
__Everything I do and everything I try never turns out.__  
__It's like I need time to figure these things out.__  
__But there's always someone there going._

So think of this as a big 'fuck you' to every single person who ever doubted me. A big 'fuck you' to every single person who tried to manipulate and take advantage of me. A big 'fuck you' to every single person who took my dreams away. Everyone will pay. I'll make them pay with my life. I have no regrets. This is my vengeance.

_Cut my life into pieces__  
__I've reached my last resort__  
__Suffocation__  
__No breathing__  
__Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding__  
__Do you even care if I die bleeding__  
__Who did me wrong__  
__Who did me right__  
__If I took my life tonight__  
__Chances are that I might__  
__Mutilation outta sight__  
__And I'm contemplating suicide_

Suicide. It's something that has crossed my mind many times before, but I never had the courage to go through with it. But things have changed. Tonight it ends.

_Graves descending down__  
__Why would you help anyone who doesn't want it,__  
__doesn't need it, doesn't want your shit advice__  
__when a mind's made up to go ahead and die?__  
__What's done is done and gone, so why cry?_

This is where it ends. No more anger. No more pain. I brought the edge of the knife to my left wrist and cut into the flesh. A deep cut formed, and dark blood began to seep out of the wound. Peace. Death by exsanguination. Original, but effective. I grinned to myself as I dropped to the ground. Already I was beginning to feel faint. I wonder what my parents would think when they walked through the bathroom door? I'll never know the answer to my question. "Goodbye," I muttered weakly. Darkness overcame me.

_The future is just old age and illness and pain... I must have peace and this is the only way.__  
__James Whale, film director, d. May 29, 1957_

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Darkest thing I have written I believe. Thoughts much appreciated.


End file.
